Space for Healing

Exactly 1 week ago, I came out of mandatory surgery for a tibia & fibula that I had broken while on a ski vacation.

Ski patrol, the hospital staff, doctors and my (handsome) guy who stayed with me through it all will attest that I had a perpetual grin on my face, cracked plenty of jokes and was nothing but positive throughout the entire process. My final words to ski patrol was that I planned to be back on the mountain by the end of this season.

48 hours later I lay in my parents' guest room, staring at the home gym in front of me and still fervently determined to be working out everday. If I couldn't use my lower body for 6 weeks, at least I was gonna get some killer arms and abs out of this deal. Hell, I would turn this leg into a rehab superstar.

Little did I realize that the first couple days kicked my ass as my body started to move through this trauma. Between the crutches & pain meds, bathing on one leg and dealing with the insurance I was exhausted and found myself napping and lounging like a boss.

On New Year's Eve I was gifted a fresh perspective when I had a bodywork / craniosacral session with a dear friend and healer. She noticed right away that my diaphragm was gripping to my ribs in this fight or flight response and my hip, among other body parts were holding on to the fear and trauma yet to be processed. I sobbed to her while on the table, "I'm so so angry - angry for not paying attention and angry at my leg".

She understood. And her advice was the same thing I'd tell my clients, friends and fellow teachers: right now you need to give your leg the space to be. Just allow it to have the trauma so it can heal. Don't push through everything so quickly, she reminded me. Give yourself more space, sofness and grace so that this healing can happen. She encouraged me to allow memories of the accident to come up, along with the shame and guilt I felt about ruining a romantic, holiday ski weekend.

That session offered me a huge release and more importantly the permission to be gentle with myself over these next couple weeks. How silly was I for forgetting the one thing that I had so adamantly asked for in 2020: space. Space to allow, space to feel anger & grief, space for joy and strength. Mainly the space to just be a human being with a broken leg like millions of other human beings!

While I still plan on filming plenty of yoga & work out vids, I now plan on also allowing myself to relax and process as I ride this wave of recovery. And know that this is just as important as muscling through all the physical therapy!

I can't thank everyone enough for all the positive messages and healing vibes - excited to share this journey with you!